by Tayo Fasuan
I don’t really know why I was quick to add this as the number two factor to consider when building a relationship, but I guess the last chapter kind of dictated it to me. Why, because friends have fun. And even though relationship should be taken seriously, it should also be a fun-filled and happy one during and after it is being built. In fact, relationships should be a happy one during its whole duration even if it is sometimes punctuated by unhappy moments.
And my first statement concerning this topic would a near-controversial one: Don’t go into any serious relationship thinking about marriage right from the onset. That sound absurd, right? You are like why have a serious affair if settling down is not the main idea behind it. Let me explain.
The major reason most relationships that hit the rock do so on a bitter note is because one or both parties are so damned serious from the word ‘go’. You’ve started acting married the moment you both start dating. Someone you just met?! Seriously?! And when it ends on a sour note, with you having no memories of any happy or fun time, you would claim you’ve been used or deceived.
At the beginning of any relationship, relax, have fun, go out, be friends with each other, be laid back, take things lightly, learn about each other. And if you now find out it’s not going to work, part amicably. Don’t start the relationship on an already intense platform. It’s dating first before courtship. Courtship starts the moment both of you decide and agree to get married. Intense relationships are usually not healthy, especially when both parties haven’t understood each other to some extent. These kinds of relationships always backfire.
Stop acting like husband and wife right from the beginning; being a couple is a serious business and you’ll have time to do that later. Don’t ask her to move in with you; you will have a whole lifetime to live together. Stop doing his laundry or cooking for him conscientiously; it is not your devoted duty to. Stop having sex almost every day; it takes the excitement of sex out of the relationship if you eventually marry. Stop monitoring each other’s movement like bodyguards; you don’t need to show how insecure you are. Don’t be on an overtly familiar ground with each other’s family till both of you agree to marry; it might backfire badly if you goofed.
You can do all these when dating is over and courtship starts. Dating is when you agree to be lovers and start going out with each other. Courtship is when you’ve accepted to be couples, and you start planning for your future together. Dating should be filled with fun and happy moments. Even courtship should still be fun like dating.
Date first. Court later. Marry eventually.
Someone once asked me “I thought getting into a relationship has an end in view and that’s marriage. Dating is with purpose right?” The answer I gave to this was simple. You’ve ever heard of those who have been together as partners for more than 30 years, having kids and never got married, right? Now, not all dating would end in marriage. If that’s an accepted fact, why then should people date for only the sole purpose of marriage? Of course, you can date with marriage in mind, but not as the primary aim. That will only create unnecessary tension from the onset. Regard dating as a familiarization tour of a workplace before being offered a job. You may dislike that working atmosphere once you’ve toured round, and decide not to work there anymore or otherwise.
So, have fun when dating, courting or even married. Since we’ve agreed that one should be friend with the other person one is in a relationship with, then this shouldn’t be an issue. Relax a bit with the seriousness and take genuine efforts to enjoy each other’s company when you are together. Laugh together a lot. Prank each other Gist together. Go out on dates. If he or she is an indoor person, play indoor games together. Be light-hearted with each other. Create beautiful memories that would even last for a long time whether you eventually remain together or not.
Because if you can’t be happy in the relationship that you are, what exactly are you doing there in the first place? Cheers.